One of the hardest parts of co-parenting with a high-conflict parent isn’t the court dates, the emails, or the constant tension.
It’s the moments when your child looks at you with worried eyes and asks questions no child should ever have to ask.
“Is it okay if I miss Dad when I’m with you?”
“Will you be mad if I like my room at his house?”
“Am I doing something wrong if I love both of you?”
Those moments stop me in my tracks every single time.
As a parent, my instinct is always the same: protect their heart first.
Reassuring My Children—Again and Again
I have had to sit with my children more times than I can count and remind them of one very important truth:
They are allowed to love both of their parents.
They are not betraying me by loving their dad.
They are not “choosing sides” by enjoying time at his house.
They are not doing anything wrong by missing one parent while they’re with the other.
I look them in the eyes and tell them clearly, calmly, and often:
You will never get in trouble for loving both of us.
You don’t have to pick.
Your heart is big enough for both parents.
And I mean it.
Two Homes Can Still Be One Safe Childhood
My children have two homes. That wasn’t the plan I once imagined—but it is our reality, and I refuse to let that reality become a source of shame or guilt for them.
I tell them:
It’s okay to love both homes.
It’s okay to feel comfortable in both places.
It’s okay to love your room here and your room there.
Your bed in one house doesn’t replace the bed in the other.
Your toys don’t cancel each other out.
Your happiness in one place doesn’t erase your happiness in the other.
Both homes matter—because they matter.
When Kids Are Caught in the Middle
High-conflict co-parenting puts children in an impossible position. Even when adults don’t realize they’re doing it, kids can feel pressure, tension, or unspoken expectations.
That’s why I make it a priority to say the things out loud that kids might be too afraid to believe on their own.
I validate their emotions—every time.
If they’re sad, I let them be sad.
If they’re confused, I don’t rush them to “be okay.”
If they feel torn, I remind them it’s not their job to carry adult problems.
Their feelings are real.
Their feelings are valid.
Their feelings matter.
Love Is Not a Competition
One thing I repeat often in our home is this:
Love is not a competition.
There is no scoreboard.
No winner.
No parent who “loses” because a child feels joy somewhere else.
Children deserve the freedom to love fully, openly, and without fear.
They deserve relationships with both parents when it is safe and possible.
They deserve peace instead of loyalty tests.
They deserve to be kids—not emotional referees.
Why I Wrote These Books
I wrote my children’s books because I saw how much reassurance my own children needed—and how little language existed for them.
I wanted kids to hear the words they needed:
- You are not responsible for adult conflict
- You are allowed to love both parents
- Having two homes does not mean something is wrong with you
And I wanted parents to have tools—simple, gentle ways to start these conversations and remind their children that they are safe to love freely.
A Message to Any Child Who Needs to Hear This
If your child is struggling with divided loyalty, please know this:
The most powerful thing you can give them is permission—to love without fear.
And if you’re a parent walking this path too, you’re not alone. These conversations are hard. They’re emotional. They’re repetitive.
But every time we validate our children’s emotions, every time we reassure them that love doesn’t have to be divided, we are giving them something lasting.
We are teaching them that their hearts are safe.
And that matters more than anything.
