As parents, we’ve all seen it.
The sudden quiet.
The fidgeting fingers.
The blank stare.
The tight shoulders.
That look that says something doesn’t feel right — even when no one has said a word.
I call it the “twisty tummy” feeling.
It’s that anxious knot children get in their stomachs when something feels unsafe, overwhelming, or confusing. Most children don’t yet have the language to say, “I feel anxious,” or “I feel emotionally unsafe.” What they feel instead is physical — butterflies, nausea, tightness, restlessness.
And if we’re paying attention, their bodies tell the story before their mouths ever do.
What the “Twisty Tummy” Can Look Like
In my own parenting journey, I learned to recognize it quickly.
I could tell when my children felt that twisty tummy feeling because they would:
- Start fidgeting more than usual
- Avoid eye contact
- Look disconnected or zoned out
- Appear intimidated during interactions
- Become unusually quiet
- Shift their bodies away from certain conversations
Sometimes this happened when a high-conflict person was present, even while they were sitting next to their emotionally safe parent. That contrast was powerful. When children feel tension in the room, their nervous systems react instantly — even if they can’t explain why.
Children are incredibly intuitive. They feel tone. They feel energy. They feel pressure.
And their bodies respond.
The Power of a Safe Place
One thing that made a difference in my home was creating a predictable place of comfort.
For my youngest, that comfort came in the form of a weighted blanket — what she lovingly calls her “emotional blanket.” It wasn’t just a blanket. It was her nervous system reset button.
When her twisty tummy started acting up, I would gently say,
“Let’s grab your emotional blanket.”
That small step helped her body calm down. The deep pressure helped untie the knot inside her. It wasn’t avoidance — it was regulation.
For my older children, the comfort looked different. It meant having kid-friendly conversations they could understand. I would sit with them and say things like:
- “Did your tummy feel twisty just now?”
- “Did something feel uncomfortable?”
- “It’s okay to tell me what that felt like.”
We would talk about feelings in simple, relatable ways. No big psychological words. Just real, honest conversation.
And slowly, they learned to name it.
Teaching Kids to Untie the Knot
The goal isn’t to remove every stressful moment from a child’s life. That’s impossible.
The goal is to teach them what’s happening in their body — and give them healthy tools to manage it.
When we help children:
- Identify physical signs of stress
- Connect body sensations to emotions
- Use calming tools (like weighted blankets, breathing, quiet corners)
- Talk through what felt uncomfortable
We’re not just helping them in the moment.
We’re building lifelong coping skills.
We’re teaching emotional literacy.
We’re teaching regulation.
We’re teaching resilience.
And we’re teaching them that their feelings make sense.
Why Naming It Matters
When a child doesn’t understand their twisty tummy, they may:
- Act out
- Shut down
- People-please
- Internalize anxiety
- Feel confused about their own reactions
But when they can say,
“My tummy feels twisty because I feel nervous,”
everything shifts.
Naming it reduces fear.
It tells their brain: This feeling has a name. I can handle it.
What I’ve Learned as a Mom
Through my own experiences, I’ve learned that children don’t always say, “I’m anxious.”
They show you.
They show you in their posture.
They show you in their silence.
They show you in the way they reach for comfort.
My role — and what I strive to do — is to be the emotionally safe parent who notices. The one who helps untie the knot. The one who says:
“You’re not crazy for feeling that.”
“Your body is just telling you something.”
“And we can handle it together.”
Teaching children coping skills early on — healthy ones — is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. Because one day, they won’t always have the blanket or the quiet corner.
But they will have the tools.
And that is what I try to build in my home every single day.
Helping them name the twisty tummy.
Helping them untie the knot.
Helping them grow into emotionally aware, grounded human beings.
